Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
