textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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