Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
