at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
