whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
