i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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