I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
