i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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