Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
