if i can run in heels then i can drive
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
