Please, let me fuck your mom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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