Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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