i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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