Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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