My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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