New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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