Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
