I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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