What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
