Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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