Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
