I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
