You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
