Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
