Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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