You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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