I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
