she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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