I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
