ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
