her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
