He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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