After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
