I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
