Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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