Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
