big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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