Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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