You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
