Cold hands, warm shart.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
