That's when you crack a 10am beer
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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