I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
