If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
