My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
