i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
