Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize