he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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