Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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