Your tits are I can't wait for
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
