I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
